This is a pretty good story too, Colin. I am not trying to show you up, but I have not been able to share this with anyone yet. After it happened, I found out Matt lost his job. Needless to say, I did not feel like spreading the hilarity, but here it is 2 am and I can't sleep and I keep thinking about this particular thing that happened to me today.
Today was a crazy day. I promised to get my Biology of Women tests back today- though they barely took them a week ago. I keep my promises and as such, I was rushing to finish grading them. I have been exhausted the last couple days so I did not finish last night. I got to my office 2 hours before class and laid out massive rows of tests side-by-side so I could grade page one, page two... till page four. In the middle, I kept getting visitors. This normally happens if I have my door open, so today I only had it open the teeniest of cracks... still though, I kept getting visitors.
The strange thing is, every time I got a visitor, the attention would turn to the preserved fetuses on the side counter of my office. I actually am a bit weirded out by them, so I keep them covered, but random people kept noticing the covered jars anyway and wanted a better look. I suppose the only thing visible from the teeny crack in the door were these jars. I specifically remember pointing out to Jeffrey that one of the jars is leaking a teeny bit from the top seal. Really not a huge deal, but I noticed it again today.
So, before I know it, it is time to teach. All was well in class number one (my slightly rude-by-talking-out-of-turn class) and all was going well in my second class when right in the middle of talking about LCIS -v- DCIS breast cancer I hear "CRYSTAL!" and I turn to see my secretary in the door. I look at her and am like "hey, Candace!" As if it was totally normal to see her interrupting class. She was like "come here for a minute!" and as I walked from the center of the room to the door, all I could think was "what horrible thing happened that Candace needs me right now?
Candace was like "um there is a chemical spill that smells like formaldehyde that leads from the elevator to your office. Do you know what it is?!"
I said, "no, I have no idea."
So she was like "are you sure you didn't bring anything up with you?"
I said "just a bunch of papers (my tests) and besides I used the stairs"
She then was like... "I wonder what that is? Bonnie Hohn was here, but surely it was not from her..."
then she turned and left. I stood there puzzled, then continued on in my lecture after a few moments.
After class, I went down the stairs and opened the door to the most-horrible stench EVER and all of the housekeeping staff in my office.
I was very confused and Candace was going on and on about how the fetuses must have leaked... and I was like "no. absolutely not. They dont smell, they have not leaked any more than 2 weeks ago and... besides, you mentioned a trail and here they are, right where I left them." I am protective over these little bodies. They stinketh not.
So on my desk, next to my knocked-over Diet Dr Pepper bottle is a container and a stack of primate books and a note. "My uterus with fibroids! Call me tomorrow!! Bonnie :-)"
So I hand the note to Candace and, oh the container... Glad Ware... and the uterus was not covered in solution and it stinks to high heaven and must have leaked upon transport all over the hallway and into my office!
So. not only was there a ruckus in my office, but my former professor GAVE ME HER (yes HER!) uterus that had to be surgically removed.
In Glad Ware!
My chair was like "what. is. that!" so I told him, in a very non-amused manner. This was the first this tone has been used by me at Mary Baldwin.
then he said "how did she get in here?!"
So i said "she must still have a master key."
I feel so... almost violated. How awful, for the remainder of the afternoon various other professors were like "what is all the stink about?!" and the like.
Bonnie was a professor (in fact, my Biology of Women professor) and she has had a rough past couple years. She is the one who gave us Sydney and apparently she was cleaning out old teaching stuff and thought I might want her rotting uterus to show my students, but the thought makes me dry heave. I am not kidding. That is one story that will live in infamy in the department, but one by which I am not at all amused.
Anyway. We have a primary activity in the morning. Maybe now that I have told my story that will be funny one day, I will be able to sleep.
HISTORY
A Little History:
Our story begins in Pocatello, Idaho, circa 1972, when the lovely Debby Christensen agreed to a first, though fateful date with admirer, David Croshaw. Long story-short, he bade her follow him, and they went arm-in-arm to the Logan, Utah temple for establishment of an eternal family unit, Generation 1, on May 23 1973.
From their first blissful summer in Salt Lake City, educational pursuits took them to Provo/Orem, Utah, birthplace of Leslie and Rebecca, and to San Francisco/Oakland California, birthplace of Colin and Matt. Then, for establishment of livelihood, expansion of the tribe with Abby and Dana, and for raising/unifying of Generation 2, it was back to the roots in Pocatello for a rewarding sojourn.
In time, driven by a raging, but commonly shared sense of adventure and independence, one-by-one, Generation 2 escaped the homeland to distant regions of the country and the world, each ultimately developing their own tribal expansions by pairing with worthy mates and initiating Generation 3.
Now sensing fulfillment of their purpose in Pocatello, Generation 1 has also left those roots and transplanted to Cascade Idaho, from which base, they anticipate more abundant contact with The Posterity, Generations 2 and 3, in the future. That contact however, awaits fulfillment of a call to LDS missionary service in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, wherein they hope to help the state of the world by sharing the love of Jesus Christ.
So now, including Generation 0 (Grandma and Grandpa Christensen) home base includes Yuma, Arizona, Pocatello, Idaho, Cascade, Idaho, Vancouver, BC, Fort Lauderdale, Florida, Spokane, Washington, Boise, Idaho, Los Angeles, California, back to Boise, Idaho, and on and on (Generation 3+) to infinity.
Our Mission Statement:
This is the blog of our eternal family unit. Initiated years ago, it served well as a journal, but even more so, as an archive of our personal interaction. It was a gathering place, a confabulation instrument, a unifying force for four generations of widely dispersed and progressively prolific posterity, and their valued associates. Though it served these purposes well for many years, it eventually took a back seat to new-kids-on-the-block, Facebook, and Instagram, and was sadly forgotten.
We now move to resurrect this blog with an added functional purpose of archiving the missionary experiences of Generation 1, of their movements and activities as they participate with The Gathering of Israel in the land northward. In so doing, we hope that via their own comments and posts, this blog will again serve to gather and unify the posterity and their friends.
As in the past, that the young and vibrant may know the old and tired, that enduring bonds may be fostered and maintained, that experience and encouragement may be openly shared, that posterity may embrace truth, and that hearts may be knit together, we must resist detachment despite our geographic divergence. We shall do so here.
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4 comments:
That is SO bizarre and will be a department legend within no time, I'm sure. I actually think it's kind of funny now... ;)
NO WAY!!!!! Does this lady have mental problems?!?! That is so unreal! Weird....and it is a little bit funny, but more gross than funny!
Just an update- my plan was to tackle the presence of said uterus today, but when I got to my office, the uterus was not there. There was no trace of it or the Glad Ware in which it arrived. When I asked around quietly- what a thing to loose!- I found my dept chair took it and sent a note to Physical Plant saying "please advise how to get rid of human uterus that once belonged to former faculty who has since retired yet still has keys!" So weird. It is still too oogie to be funny quite yet, but all the same, I have gotten quite a few chuckles from my collegues in this situation.
One was like "so I guess it was not in your job description as to how you should get that thing out of the container, eh?!"
It is hard to top something like that. The worst thing I might see on my desk would be a bounced check, which sometimes might give me the dry heaves. But that is the exciting life of a credit manager.
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