To My Children

I have been thinking of all of you, and wanted to write about it. A few days ago I was thinking about living on Rainier, and one night I walked into Colin's room, and he was laying there, wide awake. He had probably been in bed for an hour, because I can remember being shocked that he was awake. Back then everyone went to bed at 8 o'clock, whether they were tired or not. I loved you then and I love you even more now for your obedience. I asked you to go to bed, and you went. I love you so much for that, Colin. You weren't a perfect child, but you were a wonderful son to me. Thank you for your obedience to the things I asked you do to. OK, you weren't always obedient, but that is what I came away from your childhood with--a feeling of your love and obedience to me. Thank you.

Matt--I have this vivid memory of being at Franklin Jr. High with you, walking down the hall for some reason. Probably some kind of appointment. Anyway, it must have been between classes, because it was just the two of us in the hall. Some other students walked by, and at some point started using really bad language. I could tell that at that point, you were really embarrassed that I had to hear that. You were kind of protective of me. I am older, I had heard stuff before, but those feelings you displayed toward me, we so pure. I think, in fact, that you said, "Sorry Mom", because you didn't want me to hear that. That was such a good, kind, honorable thing to do. I love you for that. You were young, and were assaulted with that kind of stuff every day, but you were sorry that I had to hear that. Thank you, Matt, for your pure heart.

I remember being at Grandma Croshaw's I think when Becky was maybe in high school. I can picture Becky, without any prompting from me, helping Grandma down the stairs. She did it because she loved Grandma, and she wanted her to be safe. That is how Becky is and always was. Looking out for those needing a hand. It was an incredibly kind thing for her to do. Becky has always been very kind. I also remember one time when Becky was sitting on the floor with one or two or three kids. She was trying to help someone put on shoes or something. At one point she did something, and whoever she was helping turned around and hit her. The response I expected was for her to hit that person back, but Becky just looked at her sibling and said, "Don't do that". She said it so calmly, but firmly, it shocked me. It was the right thing to do. She is like that today with her own children. I was never as good as she is at setting limits (ok, well you all know I set lots of limits) in a calm, loving manner. I know she is not a perfect mom, but she is kind of the role model mom in our family. Thank you Becky, for showing me a better way. You really are an incredible Mom--I know you aren't perfect all the time, who is?

Dana is really the bonus baby I got from Heavenly Father. I thought, quite strongly, that I only wanted five children. Heavenly Father knew better, and I will be eternally grateful. I have told people that you were my blessing for having six children. An example. When Dana was in high school, she liked me to come to basketball games. There were not a ton of people who came to those games, but I did go occasionally, and sat on the opposite side from the students. At one game Dana came over and sat by me. She didn't need to, and I didn't expect it. She sat by me, she even held me hand, and she was not embarrassed. I love all of the rest of you very much, but you have to admit you never would have done this. Dana always, always loved me. (OK, probably not ALWAYS) Anyway, I always felt like she loved having me around. She even let me go on American Heritage with her. It is a pretty good pay day for a parent.

Abby is the light on the hill. She goes to business school with a bunch of other people from about 15 different countries, and she is the only member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. She is probably the only openly religious person in her class. She is who she is, and she doesn't need alcohol to let the 'real' her come out. They are amazed that she can be cheerful in the morning without coffee. She goes to social events and has Shirley Temples. This is not always an easy thing to do, but she makes it look easy. I think of you this way, Abby: "You are like a star shining brightly. Smiling for the whole world to see. You can do and say, happy things each day, for you know Heavenly Father love you." Thank you for being the light for your world to see. You are a great example to me.

Leslie is the quintessential oldest child. She is the example you can all look to. When Leslie was in the MTC her teacher told her to pray for something she really wanted, and Heavenly Father would bless her with it. If it were me, I probably would have prayed to get married as soon as I got home. Luckily for all of us, she is not me. She prayed and asked for an unshakeable testimony. She got it. I can remember sitting in the MTC (where I knew about five years before that she would ultimately be)beside her. As we sat there, she took my hand. It had probably been 15 years since we had held hands like that. It was kind of a sacred moment for me. We were once again, just a mother and her little girl. You weren't like Dana and would never have come and sat by me during a game (but that's OK, I wasn't like Dana either), but for those few moments it was you holding my hand, maybe hoping for a little extra courage to do what you needed to do. It was probably you also giving me a little courage. You went on your mission and you changed all of our lives with that experience. Thank you Leslie, thank you for your testimony and your strength and your love of the Lord.

OK, I have gone on enough. Just let me finish by telling you six wonderful people that you have enriched my life in ways I never imagined possible. Thank you for making motherhood the joy of my life (also the hardest experience EVER). It continues to be a joy. Thank you for wonderful grandchildren, born and unborn. We truly are a forever family.

Love,

Mom